A Tour of the 3rd Age History Museum
by Paetram
[Here's another of my evil humor thingies. Enjoy, maybe.]
Guide: We begin our tour in the lobby. Note the exhibit on your right, a replica of the gholam that almost killed legendary rogue, adventurer and ladies' man Mat Cauthon. As you know, in 1000 NE Mat fought and slew the terrible gholam. As the story goes, he tricked it into squeezing itself into a small bottle, then Mat, always clever, put the cork in. This kind of quick thinking is what separates the merely average from the truly great.
Tourist: When do we get to see the Seanchan art gallery, and the famous painting of Mat?
Guide: I'm profoundly sorry, but it was stolen last night. That's the third time this month. However, the Empress Tuon's painting was left untouched, as you can see.
Tourist: Why does she look mad?
Guide: [hastily] Moving on.....
[the group briskly walks down a dark corridor]
Tourist: Guide, what about that great boat nearly filling that dusty room over there? Can we see it?
Guide: Oh, that is just the fabled Great Bathtub Elayne the First had built for herself in the city of Old Camelyn. Note the craftsmanship. A relic of frightfully decadent era...
Tourists: [staring wide-eyed] Ahhh.
Guide: As you make your way down this corridor, note the golden plaque set into the floor:
"On this spot in 999 NE, Nynaeve, Legendary Queen of the Northern Lands, threw an awful tantrum."
Guide: Now let us pass through the "Hall of Servants". Despite its name, this room is devoted solely to White Tower artifacts. This painting, for example, depicts Egwene, High Mother of the Servants, rediscovery of the weave for preventing oneself from being kidnapped. Despite its undeniable usefulness, she was in fact kidnapped at least five times afterwards.