WoTtalk! -- The first and only Wheel of Time talk show!
byPseudoDragon
I've always wondered what it would be like if all the characters got together and discussed their lives. I've had this idea for a year now, but for most of that year I had forgotten about it. Since I've been doing the Diaries, though (and I am finishing up Egwene's now), I remembered it, and decided to give it a shot.
Warning: swearing and suggestive content
And LONG. 20 pages of Word.
So...
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WoTtalk
HOST: Hello, and welcome to the first edition of WoTtalk! I’m Jak, your host for tonight. Our guests tonight are Rand al’Thor, Mat Cauthon, Perrin Aybara, Egwene al’Vere, Elayne Trakand, Nynaeve al’Meara, Min Farshaw, Faile Bashere and Aviendha.
NYNAEVE: *sniff* Typical men, announcing the women last.
HOST: Uh…sorry…
NYNAEVE: Especially since men are the weaker sex *tug*
RAND: *snort in laughter*
NYNAEVE: Watch it you woolhead, or I’ll box your ears! *sniff*
AVIENDHA: Why did you announce me last?
HOST: Because you have no last name.
AVIENDHA: Then say my sept and clan, wetlander!
HOST: I don’t have time to say “Aviendha of the thingamabob sept of the watchamacallit Aiel.
AVIENDHA: It’s the Nine Valleys sept of the Taardad Aiel, fool. You have toh to me now.
HOST: Whatever. Let’s go on, shall we? We have a few topics to cover tonight, so lets begin. How about we start with you, Rand?
RAND: Shoot.
PERRIN: But Rand, gunpowder hasn’t been invented yet. Besides, wouldn’t that hurt?
MAT: *snickers* Go Perrin, you tell him!
PERRIN: Thanks Mat *smiles*
HOST: Anyway…Rand, lots of citizens consider you mad. How do you respond to this?
PERRIN: Shouldn’t we cheer him up?
MAT: *rolls eyes*
RAND: I’m not mad! Just cuz I have a bloody madman in my head…no! I’m not going to kill him! Sammael is dead!
MAT: He’s mad alright.
MIN: Mad in bed at least!
RAND: Gollum! Gollum!
ELAYNE: Too bad I only got him once.
AVIENDHA: Oh quit complaining. I never even got a bed to do it in.
RAND: Smeagol helps hobbitses!
HOST: Moving on…
RAND: Mehehehehehehehehehehehehe!
HOST: How about its your turn, Faile?
FAILE: Sure, go ahead.
RAND: *cackles evilly* I’m as harmless as a fly!
HOST: Well, Faile, our question for you is…will you dance the sa’sara?
MAT: *sits up straight*
FAILE: *smiles* Of course I will.
MAT: *drools*
HOST: Really?
FAILE: But only if you have golden eyes.
MAT: Damnit. Can I borrow you spare contacts Perrin?
PERRIN: Sure, why do you want them?
MAT: Perrin, you’re incredibly slow, you know that?
EGWENE: Wait a minute, you wear contacts, Perrin?
PERRIN: Of course. What do you think I am, a freak?
EGWENE: But…but…Faile, did you know about this?
FAILE: *glares* Perrin and I are going to have a long talk tonight.
PERRIN: *winces* Yes dear.
MAT: Good luck man, we’ll all be rooting for ya.
HOST: Let’s go on…
RAND: I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts…
ELAYNE: I can testify to that!
MIN: Hell ya!
HOST: Please you two, can we go on? Ok, who’s next, let’s see…oh, Perrin, we have two questions for you.
PERRIN: Oh goody!
HOST: Uh, yes…anyway, our first one is: Many readers consider you the dullest male character. How do you respond to this?
PERRIN: They do? Oh dear, that’s not good.
RAND: I’m a lumberjack and I’m ok…
FAILE: Didja hear that Perrin? Dull! I told you, didn’t I? If you had listened to me none of this would’ve happened!
PERRIN: Yes dear…
FAILE: We could have been resting in Emond’s Field right now, drinking tequila and having sex, but noooo, you just had to run off to dear little Rand and save his butt!
PERRIN: Of course dear…
FAILE: That’s what set off your dullness, meeting that chit Berelain! No one cares about your love troubles, they just want to see you fight and make love with me!
PERRIN: I know dear…
FAILE: And now all you’re doing is weakly submitting to my temper! You should be stronger with me, be firm, yell back at me! Then you won’t be dull!
PERRIN: Next question please.
EGWENE: Wow! Did she say that all in one breath?
ELAYNE: I’m impressed
MIN: Now that’s talent. Pure talent.
RAND: Gazebo!
HOST: Question number two: How does it feel for you, one of the most caring males, to be a rapist?
PERRIN: Oh *bleep*, here we go again…
FAILE: What !?!? You’re raping someone? Let me guess, Berelain! You just think of me as a play toy, and you and that whore are actually raping each other every night! That’s it, isn’t it? You son of a -
HOST: Faile! Calm down! Let me explain. I called Perrin a rapist because you’re only 16, so technically whenever you two have sex he is raping you.
FAILE: Raping me? More like me raping him! Why, just the other night…
PERRIN: Please dear, not in public. Can we go on?
MAT: Now that was interesting
RAND: *nodding* Mukluk!
HOST: Ok, how about Elayne next?
ELAYNE: Fire away.
HOST: Well, you’re future Queen of Andor, Aes Sedai of the Green Ajah, Rand’s plaything…
ELAYNE: Plaything?
AVIENDHA: You have toh to my first sister now!
HOST: And we hear you recently signed a contract with NBC as well. How do you manage to keep up?
ELAYNE: Well John…
HOST: Jak
ELAYNE: …two words: Victoria’s Secret.
MAT: *Raises eyebrows* No kidding? That’s interesting…you know, Elayne, you’ve got very pretty ankles.
ELAYNE: *glares*
AVIENDHA: You have toh to my first sister now! The big one on the left will do.
MAT: Geez, I’m already losing an eye!
NYNAEVE: *sniff* Men! *tug*
AVIENDHA: You foolish wetlander, you just insulted her! Don’t you have any ji?
MAT: What’s that, some type of fruit?
AVIENDHA: Her pretty ankles are Rand’s. Her sparkling eyes are Rand’s. Her curvy hips are Rand’s. Her round-
ELAYNE: Um, Avi, that’s enough. But you do owe me an apology, Matrim Cauthon.
MAT: Alright already, I’m sorry *mutters* Geez, I as just complimenting her. She does have pretty ankles, unlike the chubby queen Faile over here.
FAILE: WHAT!?!?
MAT: *winces* Oh *bleep*, did I just say that out loud?
HOST: Yep.
MAT: Oh damnit…
HOST: I’ll ask you to keep your swearing Randland style.
FAILE: You think my ankles are chubby, you *bleep*ing *bleep*!?!?
HOST: That goes for you too, Faile.
FAILE: Perrin, he just insulted me. What are you going to do about it?
MIN: You go girl!
PERRIN: *shrugs* Congratulate him I suppose.
FAILE: What!? Why!?
PERRIN: For being the first person brave enough, or stupid enough, to insult you.
NYNAEVE: *tug* The latter reason *sniff*
FAILE: Perrin, you should kick his ass!
PERRIN: Why would I want to project my foot into his rear?
MAT: *rolls eyes* You’re hopeless.
FAILE: *glares* We’ll speak more of this later, Perrin Aybara.
MAT: That’s two talking-to’s tonight, and we aren’t even half-way done! You’re in for hell tonight, wolfboy.
RAND: HODOR! HODOOOOR!!!
HOST: Ok, let’s go on…
PERRIN: I’m not slow!
HOST: Huh?
MAT: Perrin, we’re past that part.
PERRIN: Oh.
MAT: Man, you really ARE slow!
HOST: Ok, so next up…
RAND: WOULD THOU BE NAE’BLIS?
HOST: Oh for the love of light, can someone snap him out of it? I’ve got a show to do!
MAT: No problemo, host man, I know just the thing! *whispers into Rand’s ear*
RAND: *jerks head around* What! Where?
HOST: Good job, Mat! What did you do?
MAT: *glances at females* Er…I’d rather not say, actually.
ELAYNE: *raises eyebrow* Oh? And why would that be?
MAT: Uh, well, it would get me and Rand and Perrin in trouble, you see…
PERRIN: *groans* How come I’m being dragged into this?
EGWENE: *folds arms beneath breasts* I think you should tell us, Matrim.
MAT: Only if you all promise not to hurt us.
MIN: I promise.
EGWENE: Me too.
FAILE: And me.
ELAYNE: I promise.
RAND: I do too.
MAT: Rand, you don’t have to.
RAND: Fine then, I retract my promise. *sniff*
AVIENDHA: I will give you a blood oath not to hurt you. *cuts off a finger* There.
ELAYNE: Aviendha, that’s the third time this week! Stop it!
AVIENDHA: I have offended you, first-sister. Let me kill myself.
ELAYNE: Light, Avi, just shut up already!
MAT: Nynaeve? Your oath?
NYNAEVE: *sniff* I’m not going to give a promise to any man, least of all you, Matrim. *tug*
EGWENE: Stop being silly, Nynaeve. Make the promise.
NYNAEVE: *double tug* Never! I won’t make a promise to any man. They are all foolish!
EGWENE: Oh for the love of Light, Nynaeve! Make the bloody promise!
NYNAEVE: *sniffs, triple-tugs, folds arms beneath breasts, sniffs again* Fine, I promise.
EGWENE: Thank you Nynaeve. Now, Mat, tell us what you told Rand.
MAT: I told him that…Berelain was stripping.
FAILE: What!? That slut!?!?
RAND: Nice rhyme.
MIN: Rand looked for her, instead of being faithful to us!?
NYNAEVE: That’s what you told him, Matrim!?
RAND: Another good rhyme.
FAILE: Perrin, was it your idea to involve that Mayener chit in it?
RAND: Wow, three for three!
PERRIN: I wasn’t even talking to him. Why do you always suspect me?
MAT: You promised not to hurt us, right Elayne? Right Egwene?
RAND: Cool four rhym-
MAT: Shuttup Rand!
RAND: Gee, sorry *sulks*
FAILE: Perrin, we’re going to talk about your involvement in this tonight.
MAT: That’s three talking-to’s you get. Perrin, you’re in for hell tonight. I’m glad I’m not married.
HOST: *grins* Mat, it’s your turn. How is your relationship with your future wife Tuon going?
MAT: …I hate you so much right now…
MIN: Ooh, tell us about her, Mat.
MAT: Well, she is very pretty and dignified…
HOST: …and she looks like a bald 14-year old boy. Not to mention she’s half the size of Mat.
MAT: I hate you so *bleep*ing much right now.
EGWENE: Just what you always wanted, eh Mat?
ELAYNE: A real looker!
MIN: Hell ya!
EGWENE: Exactly your type, right Mat?
ELAYNE: Have you dangled the lass on your knee yet?
MIN: Does she have pretty ankles?
EGWENE: I bet everyone is so jealous of you right now
ELAYNE: Yeah especially all the teenage girls who mistake her for you little brother.
MIN: I bet you broke the hearts of all those other secret admirers.
MAT: Alright, alright, shut up already, I get the bloody point. She’s not that good looking, I’ll admit…
RAND: That’s the understatement of the year.
MAT: …but isn’t it the inner beauty that counts?
RAND: Not for you it ain’t.
PERRIN: You mean her organs?
MAT: *sighs* It’s so unfair. Rand gets a tavern wench, an Aes Sedai queen, and a savage chick, Perrin gets a Saldaean sa’sara dancer and the world’s biggest slut, and I am stuck with a bald boy-looking midget who won’t speak to me.
RAND: Life’s a b**ch, ain’t it?
FAILE: What’s this, Perrin? You GET Berelain? Am I not good enough for you?
HOST: Let’s go on.
FAILE: I’ll speak to you later.
MAT: Ouch, that’s four. You’re in for hell tonight.
PERRIN: You know, that’s the third time you’ve said that, Mat.
RAND: Five rhymes!
MAT: Shuddup Rand. *shrugs* I can’t think of anything better to say.
PERRIN: Ah well, the sex afterwards makes up for everything.
HOST: Anyway, moving on…Nynaeve, many of us wonder why you always sniff and tug your braid. Can you shed some light on the situation?
NYNAEVE: Well, *tug* I always tug on my braid because I have a skin rash on my scalp. *tug*
EGWENE: Aw, you poor thing! How horrible!
MAT: Is that why you’re so b**chy all the time?
RAND: No Mat, all women are like that. It’s in their genes.
MAT: Really? Are you sure?
RAND: I should know, I’ve got three of them. Plus, Herid Fel did a study on it before he died. In fact, we discovered that it wasn’t a gholam, but a women, who tore him limb from limb. Anyway, carry on Jim.
HOST: That’s Jak. So, Nynaeve, what about the sniffing?
MAT: *snickers* She’s a druggie, and Lan is her drug-dealer.
NYNAEVE: *glares* I have allergies, Matrim.
ELAYNE: *frowns* Actually, I keep seeing Lan give a bag of white powder to Nynaeve in exchange for money. And it’s always done in dark corners with no one around.
MAT: See? I was right. Allergies, huh? *rolls eyes*
NYNAEVE: *tug, sniff, glares etc etc…*
HOST: Moving on…next question is for the slutty woman
MIN: Hey! I am not a slut!
HOST: Then why did you answer when I said that?
MIN: Because…uh…I saw you…uh…looking at me…yeah…that’s it…
HOST: Besides, I was talking about Faile.
FAILE: WHAT!?!?
HOST: I’m joking, I’m joking! I really do mean Min.
MIN: Damn…
PERRIN: Wait, you’re a slut, Faile?
FAILE: No, Perrin, I’m not.
HOST: Then what about Rolan?
PERRIN: Who’s Rolan?
FAILE: No one, Perrin, just ignore him.
MIN: Can we get back to me now?
HOST: Ok, what do you see when you view us?
MIN: A bunch of idiots
HOST: I meant when you view us with your special ability.
MIN: Oh right. But you all already know what I see. Perrin with a hawk and a falcon on his shoulders, a bloody hand around Rand…
RAND: Six rhymes!
HOST: But I mean something you haven’t old us about yet.
MIN: Oh ok…
FAILE: So, Berelain perches on your shoulder, does she? What is that, her favourite position when you two are “having fun”?
HOST: Give it a rest, Faile. Well Min?
MIN: Well, around Rand I see thirty seven wailing babies.
RAND: Darn, that sucks. At least I’ll have fun getting there.
MIN: Around Mat I see a gholam with an Eagle head medallion sneaking up on Mat.
MAT: Eagle’s eat foxes, don’t they?
MIN: For Perrin I see a falcon and a hawk on his shoulders, a sparrow on one hand, a robin on the other, a vulture on his head, a parakeet, a quetzal, and a toucan on one arm, a seagull, a chicken, and a woodpecker on the other arm, a penguin at his feet, and an emu towering behind him.
PERRIN: I think my life has just taken a turn for the worst.
MIN: You will also have to choose between an axe, a hammer, a club, a morning star, a nuclear warhead, break-dance lessons, and exploding huckleberries.
MAT: Hey, how come Perrin gets two of everything? Two questions, two visions…whoever wrote this script sure sucks.
*A poodle falls and hits Mat on the head*
MAT: Hey, You can’t do that! That’s not your idea!
*An Australopithecus falls and hits Mat on the head*
MAT: *sits up, dazed* Better…
HOST: Carry on, Min.
MIN: Around Faile I see a one-eyed, one-horned flying purple people eater…no, wait, that’s just a bloody big Aiel who is sleeping with her.
FAILE: Don’t listen to her Perrin. It’s all lies.
MIN: I see Elayne becoming Queen of a white lion…
ELAYNE: Yes! I succeed!
MIN: …by running off to the Aiel waste and catching and training an abandoned albino lion cub after losing the throne of Andor to Rahvin reincarnated who happens to be Thom.
ELAYNE: Oh Mother’s Milk in a Cup!
RAND: Great, I slept with a crazy woman. Three in fact, but the other two were only crazy in bed.
AUSTRALOPITHECUS: Urgh!
MIN: I see Aviendha becoming the 14th Forsaken under the name Beidomonia, also known as Pheermepleez
RAND: Oh wonderful, now TWO Forsaken love me!
AVIENDHA: I would rather kiss my first-sisters father-brother under a Shaido Roofmistress’s Hold than do that.
MIN: Nynaeve, I see you coming to a crossroads of her life very soon. There are four paths, but if you hesitate to pick one to follow, then Darkhounds will eat you.
NYNAEVE: *sniff* What do the paths lead to? *tug*
MIN: Down one path I see you in 20 years if you continue to drink and do drugs. You’ll look like an underweight trolloc.
ELAYNE: No more oosquai for you!
MIN: Dow another you’ll become a cheerleader for the Cairhien National Basketball team.
MAT: Cairhien has a basketball team?
RAND: *mumbles* It started out as a joke. I didn’t know they’d take it seriously. They think everything has a hidden meaning.
MIN: A third path shows you acting in the musical “Breakdance Babes” but dying tragically after being stabbed in the eye with a toothpick.
EGWENE: Oh the horror!
MIN: Down the final path, you draw too much of the One Power and turn yourself into a horny toad with a toothache.
PERRIN: Do toads even have teeth?
MAT: Now do you mean a horny toad as in a species of amphibian or a toad that is aroused? Or both?
RAND: A horny horny toad?
MIN: RAFO
RAND: Why’d you say that?
ELAYNE: Well when she sleeps with RJ she’s bound to pick up a few of his habits.
RAND: What? You slept with RJ?
MIN: Yeah, so?
RAND: But…but…what about you and me?
MIN: You get three women, don’t you think its fair I get at least two men?
RAND: But...but…
MIN: Don’t worry Rand, I still love you more. Besides, I only slept with him to learn the answers to questions that no one knows the answers to.
MAT: So you know who killed Asmodean?
MIN: Yes.
EVERYONE: Who!?!
MIN: I’ll tell you at the end of the show.
HOST: Carry on with your viewings, Min.
MIN: Ok. Finally, around Egwene, I see her forcing a bunch of Aes Sedai to worship a horse of which she had built a statue of. It looks like a shaggy mare…
EGWENE: Aha, my plan works!
MIN: And I believe that’s everyone
HOST: Do me
MIN: What? Here in front of everyone? I think not…
HOST: No, I mean view my aura!
MIN: Oh, right…hm, I see a lot of people dancing with you
MAT: That sounds familiar…
HOST: Er, yes, anyway, moving on…we’re beginning to run short on time and we still have two guests left to get to. Egwene, Aviendha, which one of you would like to go first?
EGWENE: You can go
AVIENDHA: No, you go
EGWENE: No, you
AVIENDHA: I insist!
EGWENE: So do I!
AVIENDHA: You are making me lose honour…
HOST: Ok, ok, stop already! Just do knife, paper, stone to decide.
EGWENE and AVIENDHA: Ok. *Both do paper. Both do knife. Both do stone. Both do knife. Both do stone. Both do paper. *
RAND: *To Mat* This proves that women’s minds are alike.
MAT: *Quietly, to Rand* They are also predictable. I bet any second now Faile will yell at Perrin about Berelain again.
FAILE: What’s that about Perrin and Berelain?
MAT: See what I mean?
PERRIN: What? What did I do?
FAILE: Aha! So you deny it! And you secretly tell your friends about it too!
PERRIN: Oh Light, why did I ever marry her?
LIGHT: *shrugs* Don’t ask me
FAILE: And now you regret marrying me! I bet you would rather be off with Berelain!
HOST: Can we please go on?
FAILE: *sniff* I’ll speak to you later, Perrin.
MAT: Wow, another talking-to! That’s…uh…well, I’ve lost count. But it’s a lot! You’re…
PERRIN: … in for hell tonight, yeah, yeah, I know. You’ve said that already. Lots.
MAT: Gee, sor-ry
RAND: Another rhyme! That makes…uh…well I’ve lost count too. Anyway, go on Joe.
HOST: That’s Jak. Have you two decided yet?
EGWENE and AVIENDHA: No. *Both do stone. Both do paper. Both do knife…*
HOST: Does anyone know how to solve this? We’re running out of time.
MAT: Just save the best woman for last.
HOST: Alright, that means you go first Egwene.
EGWENE: *sniff*
AVIENDHA: You insulted her; you now have toh to her
HOST: *exasperatedly* Aiel!
NYNAEVE: *tug* Men!
MAT: *snorts* Aes Sedai!
ELAYNE: *sniff* Woolheads!
RAND: *rolls eyes* Nobles!
PERRIN: *sadly* Ta’veren…
FAILE: *glares* Husbands!
MIN: *chuckles* Jealous wives…
AVIENDHA: *scornful* Wetlanders!
EGWENE: *mutters* Near-sisters!…
RAND: Its nice how we all get a turn.
MAT: And that, kids, is called sharing.
EGWENE: *sniff* You should talk
NYNAEVE: *tug* Men!
RAND: *snort* Women!
HOST: Hey, now don’t start that again!
MAT: You started it
EGWENE: Shut up and get on to me!
HOST: Righto. So Egwene, what was it like to have known and actually ridden Bela?
EGWENE: *eyes go dreamy* Oh, it was the most wonderful thing ever! The experience of riding her will be treasured forever, until I die and beyond!
RAND: You know, Bela was my horse
MAT: Hush, Rand!
EGWENE: The soft hair, the graceful fluidity, the sheer power of her muscles as she ran…oh! It is amazing!
RAND: C’mon, I could’ve told you that!
PERRIN: Rand, be quiet!
EGWENE: The very first time I saw her, I knew she was special. And that night we fled with Moiraine – Bela never tired, even when all the others did.
RAND: That’s because I channeled away her fatigue!
HOST: Look Rand, shut up and let her talk.
MAT: Yes, stop trying to steal fame for yourself.
EGWENE: And she was so loyal! Throughout all our troubles and the dangers she faced, she stuck with us and still survives to this day. Giving her to Siuan was hard, but it was a noble sacrifice to let another learn of Bela’s greatness. She truly is a hero.
HOST: That speech will go down in talk show history, I am sure. And we all better off having listened to it. Thank you, Egwene.
EGWENE: Well you’re truly welcome. Anything to help Bela come to fame.
HOST: Of course. Well, we’re almost out of time, so I’ll get straight to Aviendha’s question.
AVIENDHA: About time
HOST: It’s a…er, very…special question…
MAT: *mutters* Anyone get the feeling “special” equals “something you won’t like”?
HOST: Which is better, Avi, pepsi or coke?
AVIENDHA: That’s your question!? A survey about soft drinks!?!
HOST: Well, um, yes…
AVIENDHA: I am a fierce warrior of he Aiel! I am a Wise One apprentice, and one of the strongest channelers living! I bedded the Dragon Reborn! And you ask me to choose a preferred soft drink!?!?
HOST: Er, yeah, we kind of ran out of material…
AVIENDHA: I don’t want to hear any excuses! I refuse to answer this question!
HOST: Well, how about we open this up to the others? Let’s find out whether our heroes prefer pepsi or coke!
ELAYNE: I choose whatever Rand chooses!
MIN: Yeah me too!
HOST: Well Rand?
RAND: Is either one sponsoring this show?
HOST: Coke is…
RAND: Yeah, go coke! Whoohoo! You rock my world baby! Best soft drink ever!
HOST: Hehe…and you Avi?
AVIENDHA: I told you, I refuse to answer
HOST: Oh c’mon…
AVIENDHA: Fine…pepsi.
RAND: What? You dare go against me? That’s it Avi, you and I are through!
AVIENDHA: That’s not what you’ll be saying after tonight, sheepherder
RAND: *grins* You know Avi, that’s exactly why I love you the most.
AVIENDHA: *smug*
ELAYNE: YOU WHAT!?!?
RAND: Oh blood and bloody ashes, I said that out loud, didn’t I?
MIN: *glares*
RAND: Hehe…I was joking you know…it was all a prank…a little gag…
ELAYNE: *growls* Let me tell you what I think of you “gag”!…
HOST: Um, we better finish this up quickly. Perrin, pepsi or coke?
PERRIN: Uh *glances at Faile* can I pass for now?
HOST: *evil grin* Nope. Answer now.
FAILE: Yes Perrin, answer now… *raises eyebrows in menacing manner*
PERRIN: Uh…uh…I prefer…er…*small voice* coke?
FAILE: Coke!? Coke!?! I knew it! I knew it!! You prefer the soft drink of that chit Berelain! If you loved me you would have chosen pepsi, but nooo, I see where you loyalties and love lies!
PERRIN: Can I change my answer?
MIN: …-ose times we slept together, you were thinking about her?
AVIENDHA: Oh quit your whining, yo-…
HOST: *hurriedly* Ok, pepsi for Perrin and Faile, then. Mat, you?
MAT: Who did you say was sponsoring this show?
HOST: Coke
MAT: Yeah, go pepsi! Whoohoo! You rock my world baby! Best soft drink ever!
NYNAEVE: *sniff* Always a rebel *tug*
HOST: And you Nynaeve?
NYNAEVE: Coke of course *tug*
ELAYNE: …-ver talk to you again, Rand!
RAND: I’m telling you, it was a jok-…
EGWENE: Nynaeve, you do realize he means coke as in the soft drink, not the drug, right?
NYNAEVE: *sniff* Of course…I knew that…*tug*
HOST: And finally, Egwene?
EGWENE: Hmm…let’s see what Bela has to say on this matter! *pulls out book* Ah, the Book of Bela! Now let me find the page…
MIN: …-ish I were an Oscar Meiyer Weiner!
RAND: But is that truly what you want to b-…
EGWENE: Aha, found it. *clears throat and reads* “And if it such that thou must choose between two soft drinks, let thou choice be that of the pepsi-cola company, for their drinks are tastier, and they use hot women in their commercials, as opposed to fat old men…”
HOST: Alright, 5 for pepsi, 4 for coke. Pepsi is the choice of the Westlands!
AVIENDHA: …clearly equals 31^2pi-(17/a)
RAND: But if x were to equal 2y squared, pi woul-…
HOST: And with that, its time to wrap things up for today. Thanks to everyone for being here tonight, and thanks for tuning in! Until next time, I’m your host, Jak. Good night!
EGWENE: Good night
MAT: G’night!
NYNAEVE: *sniff*
PERRIN: I’m not slow!
~~~THE END~~~