1. The Jedi
Nynaeve : Where am I?
Yoda : In the Jedi Temple you are. Want to learn the ways of the Jedi you do?
Nynaeve : Uh… I guess.
Yoda : What objects do see you behind the visor?
Nynaeve : I can’t see anything! I don’t have X-ray vision!
Mace Windu : The Force is weak with you.
Nynaeve : The Force? I’ll Force you baldy!
Mace Windu :
Nynaeve : And.. weak!? I’m the strongest woman in thousands of years!
Yoda : Your thoughts dwell on a stone-faced man with no personality.
Nynaeve : *gasp* How do you know that?
Yoda : See through you we can. Be mindful of your feelings.
Nynaeve : Uh… I think about him sometimes.
Yoda : Afraid of losing him you are?
Nynaeve : I guess. Why? Nothing will happen to him. Do you hear me!
Yoda : I sense much anger in you.
Nynaeve : Listen to me you little green imp. I know why you people are so conservative. It’s because you’re scared! Scared of me, scared of change. You think you know the future but you don’t. You think you know it all… you think… *splutter splutter*
Yoda : …
Nynaeve : So will I be trained?
Mace : No. You are too old?
Nynaeve : Too old? I’ll give you too old…
And thus began the great Jedi massacre where the whole council was exterminated because their wisdom didn’t include how to deal with a woman.
2. The Fellowship of the Ring
Nynaeve : Where am I?
Aragorn : You wish to help us find the One Ring?
Nynaeve : Do you mean a One Power ring, an angreal, or is it a metaphor?
Legolas : Do not sport with us, woman.
Nynaeve : Don’t you woman me, girly boy.
Elrond : The One Ring is a ring of great Power. It must be found to stop the master of all evil from obtaining it.
Nynaeve : I can take care of Elaida. We can let the ring go on its own path.
Aragorn : The Ring must be found and dropped in the Pit of Doom.
Nynaeve : Hmm… Pit of Doom. That sounds familiar. Do you know of the Forsaken?
Aragorn : The Nine?
Nynaeve : Yes… there are nine left.
Legolas : There were only nine in the beginning. Great Kings of men.
Nynaeve : Some were women.
Legolas : Women with beards and male genitalia.
Nynaeve : I don’t like your tone, little man. I have personally fought one of them. Moghedien is definitely a woman!
Aragorn : Interesting. To be fair Legolas, who can say what hides behind those dark cloaks, and those empty faces of total evil.
Nynaeve : You really need to stop believing every Shadow myth you hear.
Frodo : I was stabbed by one of their deadly knives. Look at the wound which the Elves cannot Heal!
Nynaeve : Interesting. Let me try Heal you with the One Power…. *fails* … *gasp* … the Power doesn’t touch it. Did Padan Fain stab you?
Legolas : My Lord Elrond, this woman has fever or some sort of ailment.
Nynaeve : What? … I …
Aragorn : Let’s get this alliance going. Who wants to help? You have my sword.
Legolas : And my bow.
Gimli : And my axe.
Nynaeve : And my …
Legolas : unique view into the world of psychosis.
And thus was unleashed the massacre of the Fellowship where Sauron eventually found the Ring in the midst of the charred remains of those who didn’t know how to respect a woman.
3. The Matrix
Nynaeve : Where am I?
Morpheus : The Matrix is a complex computer system whereby human beings are plugged into…
Nynaeve : Ah save it. Where am I?
Neo : We’re going to visit the Oracle.
Nynaeve : If this turns out to be Moiraine Sedai, then no body is going to save your bony asses.
Trinity : Was that a threat? Do you like this gun in your face?
Nynaeve : I don’t know what that thing is, but if it isn’t a new machine to grind herbal remedies, I don’t want it in my face. Who are you?
Neo : I am the One.
Nynaeve : Oh lord… I always get stuck with the saviours of the world. Why do you wear those glass things in front of your face?
Neo : It makes us look cool. Trinity give her a pair.
Nynaeve : How do I look?
Trinity : Hot. I mean… nice.
Nynaeve : I could have used these while using the Choedan Kal. That damn glow really hurt my eyes something terrible.
Neo : We are here.
Oracle : Come in. Have a cookie.
Nynaeve : No thanks. I don’t want one.
Oracle : I know.
Nynaeve : Then why did you ask?!
Oracle : I was being polite.
Nynaeve : I don’t like smug women.
Oracle : I know.
Nynaeve : Argh. I am here…
Oracle : … because you are trying to join the Matrix Team. I know.
Nynaeve : I can…
Oracle : … channel the One Power which is a new energy to this universe. You can also Heal wounds.
Nynaeve : Yes… and I …
Oracle : … feel insecure about your future.
Nynaeve : Will you shut up! I’m trying to tell you something.
Oracle : I know.
Nynaeve : That’s it! I’m leaving.
Oracle : I know.
And that began the massacre of the Matrix Team, instigated by the unwitting but all knowing old woman who didn’t know that interrupting Nynaeve al’Meara made her angry enough to channel.
4. The Smurfs
Nynaeve : Where am I?
Smurfs : La-la-la la la!! Hand in hand throughout the land.
And thus began the great blue massacre because as good as Nynaeve was, she couldn’t tolerate the radical Light siders named the smurfs.